A Second Opinion!

Last week I shared about our medical meet & greet with a new doctor for our son with autism.

I mentioned sending the piece to some doctor friends, to get feedback. They’re busy folk, so the responses will take awhile.

Here’s the first, from an Oncologist in South Carolina. He provides a reality check about our hope that a younger doctor will be available to our son over years to come,

All good advice but young physicians are more likely to be employed by hospital systems or large groups and are much more mobile these days. Finding a young physician is no guarantee that he/she will stick around for years in the same position. Also insurance networks change and force you to change doctors.

In other words, as with everything else in care giving, you have to be ready for some roller coaster riding.

I asked a follow-up: Is there a question you wish new patients would ask you but never do?

His reply,

I rarely have a new patient ask me if I would pray with/for them. I wish that would happen more often. When a new patient shares their faith with me, I am more likely to ask them if I can share prayer with them.

That’s an eye opener, isn’t it? So often, we seek a doctor as we would an auto mechanic. But human beings, including those with special needs, are more than material parts to be fixed. We are much more than that, fearfully and wonderfully made, to quote the Psalms.

I’m hoping to get some input from this guy, too,

Medical Meet & Greet

I need you to soothe my head
Turn my blue heart to red
(the late Robert Palmer. More later)

Our allies in care giving are precious. The folks who coordinate and provide services to our son with autism (Allies! Yay!) were quite helpful with recommendations for a new primary physician (Allies!  Yay!) to see our guy. I want to distill some of that experience in ways that I hope will be useful.

  • Let the person in your care help direct the search.  Note his/her day to day preferences.  Is your loved one more comfortable with men or women?  Younger or older adults?  Will the distance to the doctor matter – how does the person in your care tolerate travel?  Any and all subjective impressions can help you seek out the right doctor.
  • Know your needs.  We wanted a younger doctor who with potential to take care of our son for years to come.  We wanted a practice where every appointment would be with that actual doctor, not a Physician’s Assistant. (That’s not a knock on PAs, it’s just that our son does better with familiar people rather than serial strangers).
  • Ask around.  We do it all the time for all kinds of goods and services, so ask for recommendations.  We made an appointment to meet a particular doctor based on recommendations from professional staff we trust.  Friends who are caregivers can give you good insights from their experiences, too.  (You can tell I’m an aging caregiver.  I prefer old school “human intelligence” gathering to online stuff like Yelp.  I want to know the source of a review or recommendation, and I’ve had professional friends burned by crummy reviews made up by crummy people.)
  • Schedule a meet & greet.  Start building a relationship before there’s an emergency or acute problem.  We made an appointment for our son just to meet the new doctor.  I don’t want to be flippant about this.  I realize that for some of you, insurance issues might inhibit you from making appointments of this sort, especially if you are going to check out more than one doctor.  Our son’s disability coverage made this doable for us.
  • Ask questions and share info.  Don’t consider any question rude or stupid, or any anecdote about the person in your care to be trivial.  My wife was clear about our son’s resistance, up to and including violence, to short tempered people or while in a post-seizure state, and she asked the doctor about his ability to remain calm and patient.
  • Observe.  The person in your care needs to be at the meet and greet.  You will sense dynamics with the service provider right away.  The new doctor did the normal stethoscope thingy on our son’s back and chest.  Our son pushed the stethoscope away – but with a big smile.  That is our son’s way of bonding.  He goofs on people he likes.  He wasn’t pushing it away in discomfort or anger, but in order to establish a kind of play time with the doctor.  This was a good sign.

I hope some of this is helpful.  There’s the saying about “being your own advocate” when interacting with the medical world.  Caregivers need to practice that for those in our care as well.

OK, I said I’d get back to Robert Palmer. Here’s your dose of 70s music: