RED LETTER DAY

I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT A RED LETTER DAY IS BUT I’M TYPING IN BOLD, RED CAPS TO CONVEY THE ANGER WITH WHICH I WOKE UP ON SATURDAY.

IT WAS THAT FREE FLOATING ANGER ABOUT ANY AND EVERYTHING.  IF YOU’RE A CAREGIVER YOU’VE PROBABLY HAD IT; IF YOU KNOW A CAREGIVER AND THEY SEEM CRANKY FOR NO “GOOD” REASON, YOU’RE PROBABLY WITNESSING AN EPISODE.

ON FRIDAY NIGHT MY WIFE FOUND AN EXCELLENT SERIES TO BINGE WATCH.  I WAS REALLY ENJOYING IT BUT OUR SON STARTED HAVING “NEEDS.”  HIS BED NEEDED CHANGING.  THEN HE DIDN’T LIKE THE TEXTURE OF THE NEW BED SHEET AND WANTED A DIFFERENT ONE.  AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN…

AS A MALE INTROVERT, THE MOST UNSETTLING THING THAT CAN HAPPEN IS TO BE RIPPED OUT OF MY THOUGHTS AND ENJOYMENTS.  I WAS REALLY ENJOYING THE SERIES WITH MY WIFE, REALLY ABSORBED IN THE ACTING AND THE COMPLEX STORY.  TO KEEP GETTING YANKED INTO CARE GIVING MODE PUT ME OVER AN EDGE.

OK, OK the flaming is annoying me, too.  Enough.

I try to avoid posts on “How to Be a Great Caregiver” but I hope a few insights from my day are useful to someone out there.  What to do with that free floating anger?

  • Count to 10 and then multiply.  Deep breathing, slow counting, something, anything to help your mind regain perspective over your overwrought system.  A good therapist taught me to see negative emotions as waves – they are strong and scary but they peak and subside pretty fast.
  • It sounds cheesy but “accept that it’s just a feeling.”  Most caregivers get overworked and some nasty feelings tends to hang around.  Tell yourself something boring and objective like, “OK, I’m in a bad mood” and get on with the day.
  • Do something you enjoy.  If you’re an introvert, you need to assert a claim to some private time so you can read, ponder or whatever.  If you’re an extrovert, you need to be with others whose energy refreshes you.  NOTE:  I don’t mean have a booty call or affair.  Think about it, please.  If you are overwhelmed by the needs of someone in your care, do you really need to open another potentially insane, needy relationship?  Plus it’s just plain wrong.
  • Pray, if you are a person of faith.  Learn to pray in ways that aren’t just supplications for God to fix this or that, but are times to focus upon and enjoy the greatness and goodness of God.  I started my morning prayers ANGRY and finished someplace near sane.
  • People without a faith orientation might describe the above as “getting out of yourself.”  So go outside, gaze on a breathtaking feature of the landscape, engage in an absorbing activity (somewhere you can’t be interrupted!!!!!), do strenuous physical work or some other something that doesn’t let you stew on you.

Hope this helps.  Blessings on what’s left of your weekend and on the week to come, my brothers and sisters.  Now I gotta go Google “Red Letter Day.”  No idea what that is.

2 thoughts on “RED LETTER DAY

  1. Thank you for sharing. My dear son and his wife are caregivers to their son/my grandson Isaiah (age 16) who is autistic and has ACC. Anything that helps me better understand the challenges of these three precious people in my life is a true blessing. I just finished reading RAISING A CHILD WITH AUTISM by Timothy Fountain that was such a blessing, too. It didn’t give advice. Just told the stark realities of a care-giving father’s story in a wonderfully affirming way. God bless you for your loving commitment to your son.

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