Post-parade report from the outskirts of hell.

It’s Monday night.  Tim here.  I’m going to rant a bit and maybe Melissa will add.  I’m not up to collaborative writing at the moment.

Yesterday we blogged some affirmations about care givers.  Talked about giving ourselves “a parade.”  Our son spent today throwing up and having seizures.  We’ve been cleaning up blood and vomit and doing constant laundry.  Turning our calendars inside out, cancelling a hard to get doctor appointment, trying to get work done by phone and internet and most of all just agonizing as we watch our guy hurt.

We mentioned on Sunday that we are people of faith.  Doesn’t mean that our God doesn’t catch an earful from us from time to time.  I’m on His divine case just now.  A miracle would have been nice and he provided one – he seems to have made our bottle of cleaning solution disappear.  We’ve looked everywhere.  It is the best thing we have to break up the blood stains and clean up the vomit.  And it has evaporated. What a wondrous, amazing act in our hellish day!  Thanks so much.

Watching your kids suffer is the worst.  Another blogger had a dose of that last week.  It takes everything good out of you – joy, energy, wit – it all gets fried.  I’m guessing the residents of hell don’t feel like throwing parades, either.

5 thoughts on “Post-parade report from the outskirts of hell.

  1. I so understand what you are saying. Similar kind of stuff happens here when Sarah is sick. I recently found that Fenergan(not sure of spelling), aka promethazine, helps stop the vomiting. Zofran only helps if it is given IV. This has helped to prevent ER visits the last 2 times she has been sick.

    My empathy is with you all. I used to joke that the next time Sarah would be hospitalized was the next holiday, or the next time we had something fun planned. Since the g-tube and brain surgery, it has been better, but boy I tell you…

  2. Darlene. Ain’t it something? You agonize for them as they suffer even as you grind your teeth about the way they turn your life upside down and inside out. All the craziest emotions at once.

  3. Oh, what a horrible time! Fortunately, my kids really don’t have medical problems. I think their immune systems are just strong because I can’t keep the place antiseptic and sterile. But when things go wrong, it really is drudgery on top of drudgery. People sort of assume that when you’re sacrificing for someone, they’re bound to appreciate it or at least notice it. That’s not really the case with my two kids with autism, especially the younger one. Everything just drops into a bottomless well – there’s really no reward for doing the right thing. I remember an atheist friend saying once, “I don’t know how you do it!” I thought, “Don’t wonder ‘how’ I do it; wonder ‘why’ I do it.” I barely know the answer to that myself. Just that if I didn’t, I’d be a bad person, and being free from all these burdens wouldn’t be worth much if I was always continually aware that I wasn’t good.

  4. Wanda – what a great point. “People sort of assume that when you’re sacrificing for someone, they’re bound to appreciate it or at least notice it.” That’s one of the exhausting things about care giving for many people – it seems like lots of sacrifice with no reward. We’ve been blessed in that our son is very connected and responsive emotionally. So lots of affection with all the work. I am humbled by those who carry on as care givers without that.

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